1. Today is Derek's birthday *happy birthday!*
2. Daddy will find out more about his retirement plans.
3. Derek will find out more about his "take flight" plans.
4. Derek and I will find out more about our "financially taxing" plan.
5. Derek and I will find out more about our "new years day" plan.
6. I need to quickly finish up all my work before I go on leave *does a little dance*

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Had an early celebration for Derek's birthday. Had nydc at wheelock for dinner, and topped it off with an Elmers Fudge cake. I was so happy from the moist and warm chocolate cake and vanilla ice-cream i couldn't stop grinning like a Cheshire cat. Hyper-overdrive from the endorphins. And its not even my birthday. Haha!

After that we went shopping at Zara and Raoul for a blazer and a shirt for his D&D. Fantastic!

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Daddy drove us through Orchard Road last night to see the Christmas lightings. The journey from Tanglin Mall to Plaza Singapura took us 2 hours! omg.

I havent been eating (much) fried stuff other than the occasional sneak of a couple of french fries, tomyum soup, choco cake... ok I'd better stop listing here. The pimples are clearing up. I would say I have about 40% left from the initial 10,000.

Good progress with Dalacin-T, Retin A and the daily dose of antibiotics. It'd better be because I spent more than a couple of Ks already. *checks bank balance*

finally, some good news on derek's job. i hope all ends well. *fingers crossed.
also hope some good news on the home end. *toes crossed too.

-random- i'm feeling so blah since dinner.

anyway 10 days ago, my boss made us all take part in the GE run walk. Yes, and we were all made to wear the customised "Training for Ironman 70.3" shirt.



yah lah, that is me on the extreme left with the whitest legs. I can do white balance for the camera lor. N was there to support us and to take pics. i jogged all the way, with YY :) SW and SM disappeared into the crowd before us, and we left J and M behind.

after the run, we all went for brunch at Ah Teng's Bakery - egg burger with 15cm radius and 8cm height. fantastic hor. courtesy of my boss leh. but this sweet treat didnt ignite my love for running/ jogging.

-random- i think maybe i'm having PMS.

anyway, SM has gone for her holiday! aiyer, i wished i could go too :( nvm, 3 more weeks till my much-awaited off days!

Mommy cooked dinner for the first time in 2 months since ahmah was warded.

Fried fish, bean sprouts with egg, and lotus root soup never tasted soooooo gooooood.

The past few weeks had been slightly buzzier than usual. And yet again, timelines don't meet deadlines cos they keep moving. I miss days back in school when professor says a certain date and a certain time, and that's that. Why does working throw all that discipline back into the dumps?

I thought you were supposed to remember all the good (and right) stuff you learn in school.

On another note, I'm back to my dermatologist after a year and a half. The last visit recorded was May 2008, and I left my doctor all nice and polished and pimple-free.

The pimples are back with a vengeance.

Anyway, I blew more than a month's salary (and more to come) last Saturday. And the previous Saturday had me and Clara shopping like pseudo millionaires, splashing out on too many three digit items like they were 5 bucks each.

The UOB card is evil. And I hear Daddy reminding me its an investment.

I've got like a strict twice-a-day, 5-step face routine. I miss my one-stop Neutrogena. Today I went to work with 10,000 bloody pimples on my face and no makeup. My friend told me she'd never walk out of the house without makeup.

I think I was a man in my previous life.

My concerned colleagues and bosses thought I was over-stressed. I really am not. I'm pretty easy-going. So my mental strength does not tally with my physical well-being?

Oh no. Side effects from 3 years in MCM.

this afternoon i was craving for some moonlight horfun from the asian kitchen. so i got derek to go with me to market street carpark for lunch.

to my surprise, asian kitchen was gone! and in place of the teh tarik stall and the entire ground level of MSC, was Koufu! omg omg omg! anyway we settled for a quick lunch at the new jap eatery, and i had quite a yummy bowl of soy sauce char siew ramen *yes!*

after that was about 15 minutes at starbucks for that all-important call, with both of us looking silly with one end of earphones each and talking into the phone with loudspeaker switched on. we must have looked totally lol.

anyway, got off work about 7, and went back to derek's place for dinner, and later, for that all-important submission. derek's mom cooked jap! omg omg omg! beef curry, some cool-ass salad, and a mushroomy soup! totally delish! (ah! like relish! geddit? geddit?)

anyway, derek was kinda concerned if my tummy could handle the curry but how can anyone waste good food? :)

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on another note, tomorrow morning i'm off to a half day conference on integrated online marketing. woo! :)

today is the first official day that i am off my terrible-tummy medication and i am able to taste real food. REAL FOOD!

its stupid having plain porridge and plain porridge and plain porridge. (well okay i cheated abit with the preserved chye sim and some pork floss. but you know it still sucks.)

i was craving for (not in order of lip smacking tastiness) nasi lemak set A add fried chicken wing, roast chicken rice add egg, seafood hor fun, dun fan (that steamed rice with alot of delicious ingredients and a black savoury gravy), subway melt (which i satisfied during lunch today), black chai tau kway with alot of sweet sauce...

but somehow the good girl in me constantly reminded myself of going slow/ not too oily/ not too spicy. bah!

i cant wait to ask my colleagues my usual "are you hungry yet? i'm starving!" at 11am in the morning. i'm already thinking what i should eat tomorrow.

okay.

i've been slapped with a liquids-only diet of plain porridge, oral rehydration supplements and free-flow 100plus.

darn the stupid tummy.

3 weeks of daily sgh visits is taking a toll on everyone, especially mom and dad. everyone's tired, moods are tense, tempers are flaring. i make the daily trip so at least mom and dad can go take a break during dinner, and there is someone around to make sure that ahmah does not start pulling on all the tubes and wires connected to her body.

i hope this quickly ends.

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sometimes i feel that things cannot be pushed. dont want, dont want lor. sometimes things can be made out to be too complicated, and everyone turns out unhappy.

i hope this gets sorted out soon.

===

i think i need to spend more time with tkh. these past month he has been awesome and giving me all the space that i need.

ahmah grabbed my hands and i swear thought i heard she told me that she was going to die.

last afternoon, ahmah was so awake and lucid it was scary. she could move her entire body, her diction was great, and she could remind me to have my lunch before going back to work.

met the doc who told us she had 2 strokes and 2 heart attacks, both of which was more major than the other. they'd stopped her medication, and whatever she registers on the ECG machine, is on her own effort.

the doc was so politically correct and so good at his delivery of ahmah's condition, i swore he has done this 10,000 times. he was so smooth that i wasnt convinced. but i knew what he meant between the lines.

the evening visit had ahmah back to her old state. she started to ramble and saying strange things... the car is here/ the rain is coming i need to keep the clothes/ i have to go home someone is at home waiting for me/ i didnt know i didnt know/ i have to pray...

i hope she was just tired.

doc has told us it could be anytime soon in the next 12 hours.

got back from sgh at 2.30pm today. ahmah was awake! i talked to her and she was slurring when she replied me. the entire left side of her body couldn't move. her diction wasnt clear and she couldn't even drink water from a syringe.

i've never seen ahmah tear. but she did. and i looked out of the window and wiped my own. it was exactly how i felt when granny was warded.

dad, mom and clara went for the 2nd visiting session half an hour ago. visiting hours were restricted to 12pm-2pm and 5pm-8.30pm so we cant all be there at the same time. furthermore, ahmah is in ICA, so only 2 registered vistors could see her at any one time.

so i'm sitting here surfing the net and hoping something will miraculously happen.

ahmah has been in the hospital since thursday afternoon. fell down in the house after doing her 7th month prayers. the left side of her body is immobile and she has been in a state of on-off consciousness since she was admitted. i hope she will be fine soon.

i had dreamt of ahmah passing away on monday. i only told mommy on wednesday. my mom used to tell me about this superstitious shit that if i ever dreamt about anyone dying, i have to tell someone else about it, so as to break the spell or curse or whatever. i wished i told her about the dream sooner.

this apparent crap came true when my granny passed away 2 years ago. a family friend had dreamt about it. but he kept quiet in fear of agitating us. it was a taboo to even talk about death in the family. and it came true. granny passed away a few months later.

when i went to sgh after work yesterday, ahmah was half-asleep. i called her but she did not reply. i dont know if she heard me. i hope she did.

i went to the shop at ion yesterday - the first time in my 25yrs of life. instead of smelling like fresh, luscious leather, i was greeted by a whiff of sour plums. and the things are... ugly.

overheard: "wah! ji eh qian tua ai gor pak kor ah?!"

when you sit in a corner, oblivious to most of the gibberish that happens around you, you realise that most words are just empty noises with hidden meanings.

sensitivity gives those words the raw edges that cut.
the pieces add up.

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work is starting to come in :) but im still trying to figure out the mechanics of the team and partners :(

since i started work, i've almost always been a one-person team. i think, i decide, i approve. (ok boss approves finally). now im really learning how to work with others :)

its surprising to most that i've always reported directly to CEOs, Asst CEOs, MDs and SVPs.
and i'm a mere executive.

some tell me i should've made my most to climb up the corporate ladder.

i dont like it - victim of circumstance or circumstance of victim?

1. i got off the train at chinese garden.
2. i walked 10m towards mr bean.
3. it started pouring cats and dogs.
4. i didnt have an umbrella.
5. i called daddy hoping he could come save me.
6. daddy didnt pick up my calls!
7. he was at a NDP Appreciation Dinner at Suntec.
8. i called mommy hoping she could come save me.
9. clara picked up the phone.
10. it was not raining at my house barely 400m away.
11. *laughter* *sniggering* *more laughter*
12. i decided to wait out the rain.
13. if i had an umbrella, i would've shared it with someone who didnt.
14. nobody wanted to save me.
15. i decided to wait out the rain.
16. i cant wait anymore.
17. i ran home wearing my trusty havaianas.
18. a car went past.
19. *splash* *tamade!*
20. i ran some more.
21. mommy came to save me!
22. i reached my house.
23. mommy sheltered me for a total of 10m.

today i eat Cai Fan for the first time with derek.

我们的爱没有 CDO 的.

my trademark has always been walking to office in my havaianas.

recently, with a work-related interest in exercise, i started donning my nikes.
nevermind if the red and orange swoosh clashes with my blacks from dorothy perkins and g2000.

yesterday, i saw someone going to work in a suit and rollerblades.

p.s. i thought only cops in paris do this!

In another 2 months, i am turning 25.

Twenty-freaking-five.
Quarter of a century old.
Halfway to aunty-dom.

I remember crying for 2 weeks straight when i entered kindergarten.

(btw, i enrolled 6 mths late for nursery. so that means i got an extra 6 months of slack compared to the full 3 years in kindergarten that all of you went through. wahahaha)

back to the numbers.

I'm flabbergasted.